Movie Review: Twilight

After having heard much hype about it, we decided to watch Twilight last night.

I'm completely unfamiliar with the book it's based on (it's designed for teenage girls!), so aside from reading a quick IMDB review I hadn't really developed any preconceived ideas of what it would be like. Apparently it has a huge cult following so I was expecting something which was interesting, if not necessarily incredible.

It's based on the story of a young girl called Bella (Kristen Stewart) from Arizona who moves to Forks, Washington to live with her Father. After the stereotypical 'new girl at school' sequence, she meets a bizarre 'boy' called Edward Cullen, and after the usual initial awkwardness, he becomes more friendly towards her and saves her from a car accident using his special vamPowers (I called them that). Eventually she figures out he's a vampire, yet decides she loves him anyway, and the story continues from there.

Basically Edward belongs to a family of 'vegetarian vampires' (even though they drink animal blood), but there are some bad vampires on the loose who are killing people. One gets a whiff of our girl Bella and decides he wants to bite her neck. So the rest of it is about the fight to defend her from the badVamp.

There are several things I really like about this movie:

- The soundtrack. It's really very good, and the the end sequence with 15 Step by Radiohead just makes it. I think it could've done with more tension and suspense, perhaps accompanied by a track from Godspeed or the Mars Volta.
- It's very laid back. Some would find it frustrating, but throughout the movie it's as if the director was constantly telling the cast to 'look pensive! Try to look like you've just smelt a freshly laid fart, look as if you're working out who did it' (Friends style). So there's a lot of angsty teenage moments. The actor who plays Edward (Robert Pattinson) is excellent at this.
- I like the setting of a slightly creepy town where it's always grey and it's always raining. The people there all seem slightly disturbed, and it all adds to the atmosphere.

Unfortunately, there are also several things I really don't like:

- Kristen Stewart is depressing. She takes the 'pensive, angsty' thing too far and she has a face like a broken leg. They could've cast someone better for the role.
- Some of the dialogue is far too cheesy.
- The special effects (particular the vampire movements) appear very contrived.
- The film feels like it's always building up to something, as if an epic scene is just about to burst onto the screen. It never happens, and you feel a bit unfulfilled by the time the movie finishes.

Apparently some people think that Twilight is so good that that they will watch it once, then immediately go back to the beginning and watch it again.

These people are easily amused. It's not a bad movie, but it's flawed. Having said that, I will watch the sequel which is currently in production.

SQL Server Reporting Services and IIS: Failed to access IIS metabase - Guaranteed Fix

I spent ages trying to get SQL Server 2005 Reporting Services working, and kept getting the error "Failed to access IIS metabase" from IIS.

After spending ages trawling through documentation, Microsoft KB articles, messing about with security settings and adding Windows and domain users to the IIS metabase, I found the answer in this post which worked perfectly and took less than a minute. If you're having a similar problem, this will solve it:

My MCP: Failed to access IIS metabase.

To summarise his post, you run this command:

%windir%\Microsoft.NET\Framework\v2.0.50727\aspnet_regiis.exe -i

What's the lesson? Ignore Microsoft and listen to the blogosphere.

Also: if you're just getting started with Reporting Services, this installation tutorial is the business, and this one is superb for showing you how to build and deploy reports.

The Greatest Album Of All Time

Music is a gift. We could so easily have existed without the ability to enjoy the sound of noises joined together in a melodic fashion, without the inbuilt appreciation of the harmony of two voices singing together.

Yet we've been given music. It can make us contemplate our future lives and fondly recall the past, it can make the hairs on our neck stand up and it can make us want to jump up and down.

I was thinking, if I was going to prison to spend twenty years in solitary confinement, if I was allowed to take one album with me, which would it be? Which album would I never tire of listening to, day in, day out? Which album has so many layers that I would spot something new every time I listened to it? Which album is so beautiful and perfectly composed that you wonder how it was possible to create such a perfect piece of music?

There are 8,500 tracks on my iPod, but for me there is no doubt, there is only one group of songs which come together to form my winning album. And it's the winner by a clear mile.

What's the album? It's Pulse, by Pink Floyd.

Recorded at Earl's Court in 1994, it was part of the Division Bell tour and is now known as one of the greatest live recordings of all time. Without a doubt in my mind, I think it is the greatest. It's a towering work of art in musical form, and when you watch the DVD you can appreciate it along with the incredible laser show which accompanied it during Pink Floyd's fourteen night residency at Earl's Court.

Why is it victorious? Well firstly, it's two discs, so that's pretty good value if you were only going to be allowed one album in prison!

For me, everything about it is perfect. It's missing nothing from the original album recordings, all of the sound effects are there in full stereophonic glory. The songs are faithfully reproduced and there is no self indulgent tampering or messing around to show off, as so many bands do when playing live.

It takes me back to my childhood, specifically a holiday in France in 1989 when I was five. I remember sitting in the back of my Dad's Ford Granada, caravan on tow listening to Breathe, from The Dark Side of the Moon.

I reckon if an album can impress you when you're five, then it must be doing something right. The sounds of that album have stayed with me ever since, so whenever I listen to Pulse it takes me back to my childhood, which I loved.

Some have slated Pulse, saying that was borne of a middle aged band who had become 'comfortably numb' after years of touring, and after Roger Waters had departed. They had become accustomed to playing only their hits, and apparently displayed a startling lack of passion considering their auspicious careers.

These critics are wrong.

I think that quite the opposite is true. I don't profess to being a 'Floyd' expert by any means, but you can feel the blood of The Dark Side of the Moon pulsing through your body as the sounds and sights wash over you. For example, Us and Them sounds aspirational, yet it's about conflict, differences of opinion, apathy and misunderstanding. Why make a song with depressing lyrics sound depressing? With this Pulse song in particular, Pink Floyd did quite the opposite.

I've said enough. Get the DVD, plug in a decent amp and some speakers, turn the lights down and the sound up, and decide for yourself if you agree that Pulse is indeed one of the greatest albums of all time.

Movie Review: Marley and Me

I used to have a dog. She was called Tess, and she was a cross between a labrador and a collie. A lollie, if you like. Or a cabrador.

Anyway, she was awesome. A totally loyal, totally loveable creature who inevitably became a fully fledged family member. She had big floppy ears and a very long suffering nature, which was perfect because she was constantly surrounded by children who pulled her tail, pushed her over and chased her around the place.

One day she was standing near the fire, and a yelp was heard. She'd been paying no attention and put her tail in the fire. She had a big burnt bit on the end of her tail until the day she died. She might've been a bit of a dumbass, but boy did I love that dog.

I went into Marley and Me thinking that the dog would be more of a side character, but he was the focus of the film from start to finish. He was used as a window onto the turbulent lives of his owners (played by Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson), and it wasn't until towards the end of the film that I found myself warming towards the dog's character.

You meet him as a tiny puppy, the 'runt' of the litter. And of course he's ridiculously cute. But as he grows up, Marley becomes wild and destroys everything he touches, and he's portrayed as exactly the kind of dog you wouldn't want to have. Although the film continues to centre around him, this disconnect from Marley as a character leads you to look to his human counterparts for some depth in the movie.

Depth that you don't really find, but it is quite enjoyable watching them make the big decisions in their lives, make big mistakes and mistakenly plop out more kids than they had planned to.

The movie really comes into its own towards the end, as you begin to see old age taking its toll on Marley. It's not that it's fun to watch an animal succumb to its weakened state (it's exactly the opposite in fact), but it brings out the other characters as they struggle to cope with watching him deteriorate.

I won't say anything else about the end of the film, but I was blubbering like a girl at points. It really brought home how strong the bond between animals and their owners can be, it reminded me strongly of how much I loved my dog and detested watching her grow old, and on the basis of that I would recommend it for others to see. It's a popcorn movie, nothing spectacular about it - it's just good fun to watch.

You're obese, get off the plane!

A couple of times, I've been charged a fortune for going one or two kilos over my allowed baggage weight.

Most times it led me to grumble about how unfair it is that the large number of enormous people who are given the same baggage allowance as me, fly on the same plane while taking up a hell of a lot more weight and space in the cabin, with their rolls of fat, sausage gut and morbidly obese massiveness.

Of course, I never thought that any airline would share that completely non-politically correct opinion - especially an airline in the U.S.

But United Airlines have had hundreds of complaints from people who've had the same thought as me, yet acted on it by making their thoughts known to the airline.

So the Guardian reports that United have decided to bump fat people off busy flights, and make them pay for TWO SEATS on the next flight! That's wild!

But I completely agree. Clearly it would be unfair to discriminate against people who are moderately chubby, since it could be argued that they don't actually make much of an impact on the space left for other passengers. But when someone can't fit into a seat then damn right, make them pay for the two seats they take up!

On another note, apparently fat people are being blamed for Global Warming. Now that's ridiculous.

Circuit Training Update: Day Twenty

A few months ago, you could've safely taken a bet that I wouldn't have stuck to such a thing as a circuit training schedule, especially since it involves me getting up at 7AM and losing an hour's sleep.

But I've been doing it almost religiously each day for a few weeks now, and I'm beginning to notice some improvements.

I started off doing two circuits of each day's programme, then after two weeks I bumped it up to three. Every morning I end up red faced and dripping with sweat (blech), but that's GOOD. It means I'm burning fat and building muscle, which is attested to by the fact that I've lost precisely 400g of body weight. Four hundred grammes. That sucks.

However, in reality I haven't really changed my diet so I couldn't expect to lose all that much weight. My main objective was to be less chubby, less weak and less unfit. And fortunately, that seems to be slowly happening. The only vital statistic which has changed is that I've lost 4.2% body fat, which takes me down to 21.2% - just below average.

I feel a lot better though. In addition to a slightly trimmer appearance, it feels good to know I've finally motivated myself to get my arse out of bed in the morning and do something to combat the chub which I so often moan about. I feel a bit fitter when playing football or on the rowing machine, and a bit stronger.

So even though progress has been a little slow, I plan to make circuit training part of my daily routine until I drop dead, so hopefully the progress on fitness and physique will continue. It's not too much of a pain to get up an hour early for the sake of my health.

Fuel Duty Increase: The Last Straw

I'm sick of paying through the nose for fuel tax and not knowing where the money goes. I'm sick of the roads in Britain - and in particular in Glasgow.

I wrote to my M.P today:

FOR THE ATTENTION OF:
John Robertson MP
Glasgow North West

Friday 10 April 2009

Dear John Robertson,

I am writing to request that you bring up the issue of fuel duty in Parliament prior to the Budget on April 22.

I am an ordinary householder who lives in the Glasgow area, and would normally be reluctant to write such a letter as this. But I feel it's time that I passed on my thoughts on the current situation with regards to fuel duty and the state of Glasgow's roads.

I understand that there is potentially going to be a 2p petrol tax rise in the next budget, which I think is unacceptable for several reasons:
- Ordinary people already have to pay the huge 71% cost in petrol tax, and given the current economic situation it seems bizarre that when the government say they are trying to give people more money to spend in order to revive the economy, they take this money right back again through other means.
- For example, I run a little Renault Clio and only spend £50 a week on petrol. This proposed hike in fuel duty will cost me £58 a year, above the already exorbitant prices I am subjected to.
- The government seem desperate to revive the motoring industry, manufacturing and infrastructure - yet they stab these industries in the heart by demanding another increase in the already crippling cost of fuel.
- I would like to see greater visibility on what exactly this tax is spent on, and in particular, exactly where this new 2p tax rise would go.
- If fuel tax is spent on anything other than transport, roads, or the various government organisations which look after Britain's motorists, the government should have to publicly explain why.

In addition, I would like to complain about the terrible state of the roads in Glasgow. You will have seen recent news reports that research carried out on Britain's roads and its motorists concluded that people in Scotland and Northern England appear to have much worse roads than those in the rest of the UK. I accept that these studies do not always paint a truly accurate picture, yet it lines up with the view I have taken for some time now.

On two occasions in the past year, my car has been damaged by these terrible roads to the point where I have had to spend my own money on repairing bent suspension, buckled wheels and burst tyres. The roads are cracked and sagging, there are huge holes in them and there seems to be very little getting done about it.I would think that many people would really appreciate it if a Member of Parliament who represents a Scottish constituency would stand up and speak out on this issue, in order to let the government know that it is not acceptable that people are left to pay the price of damage to their cars due to the mismanagement and irresponsibility of those in power.

We are spending hundreds of millions of pounds on the M74 extension, yet Glasgow's roads are in a worse state than they have ever been. I would like to know: why is this?

I understand that this letter may come across as more of a rant than a constructive request for representation, but I think that it illustrates the view of an ordinary person who feels that they are being short changed by the government, and that nobody appears to be standing up and publicly asking for change in behalf of those they represent.

I would like to receive a reply to this letter, outlining your thoughts on it and anything you plan to do in response to the points I have made. Thank you for your efforts in advance.

Yours sincerely,

Philip Reid